Interview

- Good evening ladies and gentlemen tonight's honour guest is somebody who doesn't need any references. He is more than a single person. Maybe because he is more than one person. He is a legend. He is the most round man in the whole world. He is very attractive and handsome. He is very popular with the crowds especially with the women. He is the world champion at massa, he holds the world record for the highest number of pizzas eated in one hour and has the most faces for a mobile phone. These are only afew of his numerous characteristis. Let's everybody welcome with one mouth one throat Alexandro Soyrouni. Hello Alexandre wellcome to our show. Come in and close the door.
- Good morning . I said good morning.
- Alexandre ....
- What ?
- Come in and close the fucking door .... please.
- Don't worry about the door. It's self service.
- Before we start our little conversation I want to tell you about your name. Alexandros is a very big name and difficult to say. I believe that they gave you this name according to your size but may I call you Alexi?
- No , you may not.
- Why not?
- Because Alexis is a whole different name. Its cames from Alexios which is celebrated on March 17th. My name is Alexandros which is celebrated on August 30th.
- I see. Then how may I call?
- Call me Aleko. Aleko is fine.
- Allright. Let's start our conversation with the first question. What do you do for living?
- I'm babysisting.
- Babysisting? I've never heard anything like this in my life. What exactly you do?
- I'm babysisting babies.
- Which mean you are ...?
- A babysister.
- You mean a babysitter.
- Could you explain to us the difference?
- A babysitter is a person who looks after babies I'm the sister who looks after babies.
- End of all. Let's talk now about something else for example trips. Do you like trips? Did you go on an excursion these days?
- I will go on the year 2002 to Tokio to watch the Moundial.
- Are you going to be the ball?
- No they don't invite me as the ball.
- But until 2002 it's live my May to eat trifilos. Let's talk about a previous excursion.
- When I was fifteen years old I went to Salonica with my school.
- I believe that this excursion was one of your favorite because you were with your friends. Do you remember anything to say about this excursion?
- Of course to the down down of the writing the memory remains.
- Will you share this memory with us?
- I remember all our stops to eat. All though the food was expensive, was bad.
- What did you have?
- I order mousaka. But it wasn't very good. My grandmother do it fucking good and everybody said it in the neighborhood.
- Anything else?
- Did I mention about the food in the hotel? It was wonderful.
- Anything else except food?
- Let me think...
- With what?
- With my brain.
- A ha ha ha
- I let you but you will see after the result of your action. I remember one night John and Despina were playing tavli and I enter the room. John all the time teasing me so I told him this historic phrase:"when Despina leave I'll come to fuck you". I also remember the film we watch at night. I think it was on Filmnet. I think it was a documentary about human body. It was very interesting. I watch it all.
- Alright. Let's talk about something else. I know , the whole world knows that you are courageous and brave man. But is there anything in the world that you afraid of? Do you have any fear?
- Yes, I fear of the dark.
- Oh, thaths surprising. Why do you fear of the dark?
- It's a childish trauma. I don't want to talk about that.
-Maybe if you say something about this you overcome this fear.
- I fear of the dark because when I am in a dark room I feel with the back on the wall.
- Ok. Let's change the topic of discussion to chear up for a while. Do you like any series on TV? I believe that you watch AMAN every Tuesday and not every Wednesday. I watch the previous AMAN and find it very good. It was a masterpiece. I hope you didn't miss it.
- I don't mind if I don't watch AMAN. It doesn't matter. I only care about missing the meal. Nothing else matter.
- My informations says that you are man of technology. You use your computer, you surf on internet but do you read any books or newspapers?
- My father reads newspaper. He buys "Uncommitted" or "Free" Type but I 'm not sure.
- I want one answer. I repeat the question. "What newspaper your father buys:A) Uncommitted Type , or B) Free Type"?
- Do I have any help?
- Of course you have the help of the audience an the phone.
- I'll take the phone.
- Who is going to help you?
- My mother.
- Please , Miss Despina on the phone. Miss Despina good evening.
- Good evening and congratulations for your show.
- We have Aleko over here and his is in a pressing spot. Listen to his question. You have thirty seconds.
- Mother... what type do we take?
- Allright. Enough with this question. Do you read any book?
- Of course.
- What's your favorite book and your favorite writer?
- My favorite writer is Vefa Alexiadou.
- But isn't she a cook?
- That's why she is my favorite writer. And my favorite book is the menu and the recipe book .
- Which one do you prefer?
- I prefer recipe book because it has pictures and I can see what I'm going to eat. In addition recipe book has no prices.
- Do you read comics?
- I like reading "Popay's Andentures".
- What's your favorite hero?
- I like the most Boldo. Because he is eating all the time humburgers.
- Another comic which you like?
- I also like "Asterix and Ovelix".
- From this who is your favorite hero?
- Of course Ovelix.
- Because he is very strong?
- Not only. His best characteristic is that he is eatting all the time wild pigs.
- Aleko do you have any hobbies?
- I eat.
- Except eating?
- I sleep between the meals.
- Anything else more intersting?
- I play the guitar.
- That's a very intersting hobby. What's your favorite song?
- "Love me"
- What do you mean? You mean you are a homo? Now I understand why you say you are the sister who looks after babies.
- RE s'exei repsei. You missunderstood.
- You mean you are not a homo?
- Of course not.
- Allright I believe you. But for good and for bad let's sit a little bit longer. Now tell why do you like this song so much?
- Because you can play it with only one guitar...
- And a voice...
- I already have the voice.
- Who is going to give the guitar?
- His name is John Kapoupos.
- I don't know him.
- He is known as Don Giovani Alouini or The Godfather.
- Now I understand who are you talking about. Do you like any other song?
- "Little Titanic"
- Why do you like this song?
- Because you can play it.....
- No. If you can play the tone nto.
- Do you have any other hobby except eatting, sleeping between the meals and playing the guitar?
- I play ball for a team. Chicago Bulls.
- Football or basketball?
- Basketball.
- Do you like basketball?
- Very much.
- More than eatting?
- You ask to much.
- What is your coach last advice?
- He say to me : "Don't jump , stand"
- Do you say anything to him?
- These days I say to him the greek phrase: "Coach mou pesane"
- And what he say to you?
- "Stand in order to jump you".
- Aleko whats wrong? I can notice a disappointment in your face. You haven't eatten?
- What are you saying re asshole. Jerk.
- Then what's wrong?
- My elder sister is going to marry in fifteen days and today.
- I see you count the days is that mean tha you are very sad because of your sister's wedding?
- Yes, I'm very sad because she is going to married one good man.
- Do you think she should married more than one so she could be happier?
- Eh...?
- Don't answer it's a ritorical question. What's the day of the wedding?
- It's on May 6th.
- Are you sure tha the groom is going to come because I think that on May 6th on Tv shows a film with Alice Bougiouklaki.
- Ante fuck re.
- Are they going to be ab the "sticks" a the wedding?
- No, they are not the "sticks". They are Nick and Sotiris.
- Who are they re Aleko?
- Come on the "sticks".
- Do you have another sister?
- Yes, I hane another one. She is the small.
- How old is she?
- Twenty four.
- And you are...?
- Seventeen.
- And she is the small? End of all , are you happy for your small sister?
- Yes , I'm very happy and proud of her because she get a job in a bank after winning a competition. They hire her without a mesw.
- Ok Aleko,this is the end of our conversation ,do you have anything else to say?
- E.. good night?
- Re Aleko, do you thank?
- E yes, thank you very much, good night.
Σημειώσεις: Το κείμενο γράφτηκε το 2001 νομίζω. Ίσως και πιο παλιά. Τότε μου φαινόταν πολύ αστείο. Τώρα που το ξαναδιάβασα νομίζω δεν χαμογέλασα καν. Γράφτηκε στα αγγλικά γιατί τότε βόλευε. Φυσικά με την πρώτη ανάγνωση φαίνεται ότι είναι απλή μεταφορά των ελληνικών λέξεων στα αγγλικά το πιο κοινό λάθος δηλαδή που κάνει κάποιος όταν γράφει κάτι στα αγγλικά. Είναι αφιερωμένο στην tzotza όχι για κάποιον ιδιαίτερο λόγο απλά επειδή είναι στα αγγλικά.